


By A Thread

by blue_pointer



Series: A Study in Gold [2]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alone Together, Angst, Don't copy to another site, Episode: c01e024 The Feast, First Kiss, First Time, Gilmore is not Caucasian, Gilmore's Glorious Goods, I Will Go Down With This Ship, M/M, Metallic Dragon!Gilmore, Purple Prose, Smut, Vaxmore, angst smut sandwich, bask in my radiance, before the Briarwoods, definitely thoughts a human would have, just like picking a lock, just normal thoughts, tfw the better angels of our nature is more of a literal thing, when knowing the future is a real bummer, with a squeeze of lemon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:20:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26295511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blue_pointer/pseuds/blue_pointer
Summary: Some firsts.“Whenever I look at you…” Vax began, his words trailing off into oblivion as they so often did when the two of them were alone.“Tell me,” Gilmore urged gently, compelled by nature and affection to ease the pain he sensed there.“I don’t rightly know. It’s just...when I’m with you, there’s something I’ve never felt before. It’s...difficult to explain. Like I’m feeling the sun on my face for the first time… It’s as though I’ve been living in the Underdark for my entire life, and then…” The words washed away in the rising tide of Vax’s emotions.
Relationships: Shaun Gilmore/Vax'ildan
Series: A Study in Gold [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1906693
Comments: 4
Kudos: 55





	By A Thread

The trouble with loving mortals was, well. They died. 

But even before that inevitability, their sense of time was all askew. They were constantly rushing hither and yon, fixated on matters of no intrinsic value, seemingly determined to meet their end as swiftly as possible. Bearing witness to the frantic entropy of their existence could be exhausting, frustrating--to say the least--and, far too often, downright depressing.

In Gilmore’s experience, time was neither linear nor finite, and should be treated accordingly. But he had gained that wisdom through a perspective most mortals did not and could not possess, by their fundamental nature. The trials of existence had taught Gilmore the importance of stopping to smell the roses. But the thorns...he had not yet learned to stop falling for mortals. 

*

Vox Machina were rarely in Emon for long, but on the rare occasion they were, Vax’ildan would come to him. It was never enough, of course; it never could be. Gilmore could admit he fell prey to the sin of greed where certain things were concerned. Perhaps it was that avarice that kept him waiting in Emon for his darling boy’s return. 

When the wait between visits became too long, Gilmore had to acknowledge his weakness for what it was and move on with business. Still, even after Gilmore had given up waiting, a single message from Sherri could make him drop everything. Because too little time together was better than none at all. 

*

“Whenever I look at you…” Vax began, his words trailing off into oblivion as they so often did when the two of them were alone. 

“Go on,” Gilmore purred. 

“I feel...like…” Vax looked lost, confused. After so much time apart, confusion was not the emotion Gilmore had been hoping for. 

“Yes?” He toyed idly with the ring on his middle finger, thumb pushing it until it began slow revolutions around Saturn. A small tell in one practiced in both the art of deception and patience, it belied Gilmore’s feelings. He had to be careful. 

It was because he had the darling boy in his bed again, Gilmore told himself. A certain tension had been building between them since the last time, when Vax’ildan had surprised him by asking to speak with Gilmore in private. He’d been so sure then, and yet...nothing had happened. Gilmore of all people should have known better than to nurture expectations. But with Vax’ildan, he couldn’t seem to help himself.

What was it about this one that had pierced Gilmore’s heart so deeply? The boy’s beauty was not singular, even within the confines of his own family. _No,_ Gilmore thought. It must be the death mark; that dark omen which hung heavy over Vax’ildan’s head for those who could see it, like the sword of proverb, suspended only by a single horsehair. Maybe that was what was causing Gilmore to lose perspective and patience, to viscerally feel the construct of time in a way that was utterly foreign to his existence.

“Is it...can I kiss you?” The sweet tenor of the boy’s voice drew Gilmore back to earth, but not in time to answer before Vax was leaning toward him, cautiously gripping his shoulders.

A pleasantly-surprised chuckle rumbled in Gilmore’s chest as Vax pressed thin, eager lips to his. Gilmore’s jewel-bedecked fingers caught Vax by the hair, holding him fast while he demonstrated how a lover’s kiss was meant to be done. Vax looked dizzy when Gilmore finally let him up for air. 

Too late, Gilmore realized he’d let slip his control. “Apologies, my boy.” He inhaled a deep breath through his nose, leaning back against the cushions and closing his eyes. This wouldn’t do, this utter loss of composure. That a mere boy of 27 could cause him to unravel like this...Gilmore silently chided himself for becoming complacent.

“Why on earth would you be sorry for that!?” Vax cried, sitting up indignantly. “I’m not sorry. At all. And you’d damn well better not threaten to stop!” 

A soft chuckle escaped Gilmore’s meditative breathing. “I would never,” he reassured Vax, eyes sliding open to drink in the sight of his perturbed companion. Gilmore’s sly smile seemed to be enough for the half-elf, who slid across the bed to lie within arm’s reach, but not so close that Gilmore couldn’t maintain his control. 

Vax closed his eyes, content, clasped hands resting on his chest. It was a bit too funerary of a visual for Gilmore. A reminder that their time together was finite. The depth of his sadness at the thought surprised him a little. 

Gilmore came out of his morbid reverie to find Vax staring at him, a crease of distress marring his brow. “Tell me,” Gilmore urged gently, compelled by nature and affection to ease the pain he sensed there. 

“I don’t rightly know. It’s just...when I’m with you, there’s something I’ve never felt before. It’s...difficult to explain. Like I’m feeling the sun on my face for the first time… It’s as though I’ve been living in the Underdark for my entire life, and then…” The words washed away in the rising tide of Vax’s emotions. 

“How very poetic, my love.” Gilmore cupped his cheek, offering comfort, for he could see Vax was sincere. And he wondered...was his glamour slipping, or was this slender thread connecting them so strong that Vax was beginning to see beyond it? And if that were true, how did Gilmore feel about being seen? After all this time... It bore thinking on. 

Later. Right now, Gilmore saw the tears beginning to gather in the corner of Vax’s eye and immediately slid his thumb to catch them. “No, no. None of that.” He pressed his lips gently to Vax’s other eye, tasting his tears. “You are welcome to bask in my radiance any time, darling boy. I think you know there is a part of me that shines just for you.” 

That seemed to be too much for Vax, who threw himself at Gilmore, needing to be held as he wept for some time. Gilmore was more than happy to oblige. A noted expert on hugs, he could adjust the pressure of his arms to fit any emotional need, which was in this case, just short of bone-crushing. Vax needed reassurance, and Gilmore had plentiful reserves of it to give. 

When the last of Vax’s stuttering breaths subsided, Gilmore felt a particular heat beginning to build between their bodies. Vax drew back just enough to look Gilmore in the eye, pale cheeks flushed, his lips bruised from weeping. “Gilmore,” he whispered. 

“Tell me, my sweet,” Gilmore said, all but demanding the invitation he’d been craving for months now. 

“Will you...show me…” He seemed frozen in Gilmore’s arms, Vax’s soft brown eyes pleading. 

Gilmore’s eyes slid shut as he savored the delicious ache of relief. “It would be my absolute pleasure,” he purred, leaning Vax back on silk cushions. Too soon, he found himself drawing ragged breaths with the Herculean effort it took to maintain his restraint. He wanted to shred the leather garments between them, but that would have been unseemly. Besides, this moment wasn’t about what he wanted. It was about Vax’ildan. Gilmore took his time, tasting the salt of Vax’s skin as he expertly manipulated every nerve ending. 

Vax’s soft gasps of ecstasy nearly undid Gilmore, and his entire body shuddered with the need to mount the boy. But this was not the time. Vax’s skin glowed, his beatific, sated smile making him look ethereal in the filtered light of Gilmore’s bedroom. “That was nice,” he sighed, curling an alabaster arm around Gilmore’s bronze shoulders. 

“Well...I should hope it was a bit more than _nice_ ,” Gilmore sputtered, not a little indignant as he tamped down the demands of his own body. This vacuum of praise was like ice water to his desire. 

“Oh…” Vax’s rakish smile returned as he tilted his head back against the cushions. “It was infinitely more than just that, you glorious bastard, and you know it.” 

“Now that you mention it…” Gilmore’s ego felt marginally less ignored, at least. 

“What I really want to know is, how do I make you feel as good as you just made me feel?”

“Well, if you’re asking...” His hungry eyes held the boy’s gaze as Gilmore guided Vax’s hand. Gilmore kissed him sweetly until Vax seemed to get the hang of it. Then he buried his face in the snow of the half-elf’s shoulder, forced to concentrate in order to hold back the fire flaring up in his belly. It wouldn’t do to burn the shop down now simply because his darling boy had such talented, nimble fingers. 

“Just like picking a lock,” Vax whispered, smiling against his ear when Gilmore was far too close for such jests. All he could do was squeak indignantly, eyes widening when Vax became more demanding. The rogue bit his lips until Gilmore opened to him, penetration doubling in a crescendo of sensation that continued until his mortal form could take no more. 

Gilmore collapsed against the sheets, feeling as though he’d lost perhaps too much of his dignity in the exchange. “How do you feel?” Vax whispered, pupils blown as he watched for Gilmore’s reaction.

“If I’m being very frank...” Gilmore touched Vax’s cheek. “Exhausted.” The realization was mortifying. “I’m not the young man I once was.” He immediately regretted his honesty, because Vax’s expression turned apologetic. 

“I didn’t hurt you, did I?” 

Gilmore laughed heartily, taking Vax’s wrist in a gentle grip so he could clean the rogue’s callused fingers with soap and scented oil. “I’m afraid you’re going to have to try a bit harder than that.” 

Vax’s eyes shone like a timberwolf’s scenting prey. “I can do that.” He leaned in eagerly, perhaps intending to have another go. 

“That will have to be enough for today, I’m afraid,” Gilmore told him kindly, holding Vax off with a firm hand on the boy’s muscular shoulder. His look of disappointment drew a laugh from Gilmore. “It’s not forever, sweet. And as they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

“Well whoever _they_ are, they can piss off,” Vax grumped, once more becoming the mouthy adolescent. “My heart isn’t the organ I’m worried about right now, anyway.” Sulky, he bent forward to retrieve his clothes from their heap on the floor. 

Gilmore caught him by the chin, forcing Vax to look up at him. “My door is always open to you. You know that.” He kissed Vax gently on the cheek. “And if you wish to wake me with this newfound skill of yours each morning for as long as you’re in town, well.” Gilmore arched an inviting eyebrow at him. “I wouldn’t say no.” 

The hunger in Vax’s eyes stoked the fires inside of Gilmore. He would quite willingly offer up this mortal form to passion like that. Vax leaned close, his words no more than a breath. “You promise?” 

Gilmore had to kiss him, then, because mortal promises were brief things, and easily-broken, while his were forever. Vax didn’t know what he was asking. “But for now,” Gilmore told him, using Prestidigitation to remove the pearly streak from Vax’s tousled hair. “Your friends have been looking for you, and I doubt even I can hold them off for much longer.” 

“What, this whole time?” Vax looked panicked, and was suddenly in such a rush to get dressed, he pulled his boots on before his pants. 

“No.” Gilmore watched, amused, as Vax engaged in a life and death struggle with his own clothing. “But we have been in here for...some time.” 

“But how did they even know I was here?” Vax asked. “I didn’t tell anyone where I was going!” 

“How indeed?” Gilmore purred, charmed by the boy’s naiveté. As Vax continued to swear and fight his armor, Gilmore rose gracefully from the bed and wrapped the dark coils of his hair in a colorful scarf, feeling a long soak in the bath was imminent. 

Then he draped a silk dressing gown over his gloriously bare shoulders, unashamedly walking Vax out into the shop in the process of tying his robe closed. He could feel the weight of many eyes upon him, just as they should be. “Until next time, Vax’ildan.” 

Feeling an invisible pressure from the group, Vax ducked his head with embarrassment. Over his brown hair, Gilmore quickly spotted the druid female’s judgemental eyes resting on his beloved. Though death would assuredly have the last laugh on all of them, Gilmore had glimpsed enough of the future that he might--perhaps--be bearing just the _teensiest_ bit of a grudge. With an imperceptible flick of his fingers, a spark of static bit the tip of her nose. It distracted her, but the damage had already been done.

Vax muttered a goodbye and gave Gilmore’s hand a quick, platonic squeeze before dashing out the door ahead of his party, who immediately clambered after him for an explanation. Gilmore watched them go, feeling suddenly world-weary, where only moments before he had felt content. He could not quite grasp joy as it slipped through his fingers. 

Sherri turned to him as the beaded curtain fell closed behind Vox Machina, catching a rare look of doubt on his face. “Are you all right, Master?”

He offered her a wan smile. “You know I don’t like that word.” Seeing her hesitate, considering an apology, he pushed on. “But nevermind--it’s kind of you to ask....And of course; I always am.” Gilmore made a conscious effort to warm his smile up to something more characteristic of his persona.

Sherri looked unconvinced, coming closer and daring to take Gilmore’s hand. “...Sir. Why don’t you take the rest of the night off? I can close up here.” 

“That’s a tempting offer…” Gilmore hesitated, but only for a moment. “Well.” He bowed his head in thanks. “If you insist.” 

“I think I do,” she nodded, looking quite resolved. 

As he drew back the curtain to disappear into his rooms, Gilmore paused and looked back at Sherri over his shoulder. “Thank you, my dear. These little kindnesses...they mean a great deal to me.” He needed to praise her more often, Gilmore thought. Sherri worked so hard, and a good apprentice was hard to find. 

She just nodded, her cheeks a rosey shade of pink. “Rest well, Sir.”

“Oh, believe me, I have every intention of doing just that.” He needed to sleep on a proper bed, though, not this stack of kindling mortals deemed fit for sleeping. Vax really had taken it out of him. Gilmore’s lips curved in satisfaction at the memory. With the taste of Vax still on his tongue, Gilmore disappeared behind the beaded curtain. And as he headed to the bath, began to softly hum a Marquesian ballad.


End file.
